


if you love him, let him know

by kiwi384



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Boys In Love, Feelings, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-World War II Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 02:01:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14802209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiwi384/pseuds/kiwi384
Summary: Steve and Bucky, best friends since childhood, both have a secret they’ve been hiding from the other. As it turns out, neither of them is very good at keeping it.





	if you love him, let him know

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic :) not sure if it's even a fic as much as it is a run down of Feelings

Bucky was the first one to realize his feelings—of course it would be him.

He looks back at when he and Steve first met and plays back all the moments they’ve spent together, trying to pinpoint the exact moment he knew that if Steve asked for his heart, Bucky would give it to him, no questions asked. But in every single memory, Bucky couldn’t imagine looking at Steve like he wasn’t the only thing worth looking at.

So, maybe Bucky had been gone for him since the very first second that they met. Steve had already owned his heart, and Bucky had been so blissfully unaware.

When Bucky did finally have a name for how he felt every time he was around Steve, things remained the same, except this time, he was living in colors he didn’t know could be so vivid. He let the warmth of it radiate around his body and settle in his heart, but a part of him couldn’t help but be hesitant. He couldn’t help but feel guilty because it was wrong to love his best friend like that.

He had always been Steve’s protector even though he knew damn well that Steve didn’t need protecting—the guy may look like he’d faint with a single touch, but even back then, Bucky knew better than to underestimate him. Maybe Steve could never knock anyone out with his fists, but he was tough and brave enough to try anyway. Even so, Bucky loved looking after him. Sometimes Steve would bite off more than he could chew, and of course Bucky would always be there to step in and take care of him.

He knew what his feelings were, and he knew he had to keep them locked in his heart. Still, he’d show his love to Steve—give his all to Steve as much as he can, even if he could never love him that way.

*

Steve didn’t realize his feelings until Bucky asked him to move in with him after his mom died—when Bucky said that he didn’t have to get by on his own, because he had Bucky. “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line, pal”, he said.

It was a slow discovery, but he noticed the change in his heart whenever he looked at Bucky now. It was a good kind of change.

Steve always knew that Bucky was the better one of them—the more charming one, the more popular one, the one whose lungs didn’t give out after a few minutes of work—but he never made Steve feel like he was any less important. Bucky was always the one who’d stand by him when he had no one else.

Maybe Bucky was just too good of a person, and Steve was just lucky enough to have been friends with him ever since. Steve knew that he’d always be looking up to Bucky anyway. The only difference now is that he loves him, too.

*

One night, Bucky comes home later and more tired than usual. He greets Steve and sets down a new sketchbook.

“Got you a little present,” Bucky says, “So you wouldn’t need to draw at the corners of that old dusty one that you got.” Bucky slumps down heavily on the couch and throws his head back. “Had to work an extra few fours at the factory to get some more cash” Bucky huffs out a laugh. “Boss seemed happy enough to break my back with all that extra work.”

Steve takes in the sight of Bucky—visibly exhausted, but still with that charming smirk on his face. “Buck,” Steve starts, “I appreciate the new sketchbook, but you don’t have to do that, pal. I don’t want you breaking your damn back for me.”

Bucky huffs out another laugh and looks at Steve. “I’m already breaking my damn back plucking your ass out of fights, punk.”

Steve smiles a little bit at that. “Well don’t break it even more just to buy me things, you big jerk. Then no one will be left to pluck my ass out of fights.” Bucky laughs, and smiles thoughtfully at Steve. “You know I’ll still be there for your sorry ass even when my entire body breaks.”

Bucky says it nonchalantly, but Steve feels the air thicken with something unspoken. He wonders if Bucky senses it, too.

Steve knows that this is a thing they do—they like to tease each other and shoot the shit as much as they can—but something in the way that Bucky’s looking at him tugs at Steve’s heart. Something in Bucky’s smile compels him to say fuck it, he and Bucky have been friends for long enough.

They’ve had fights before, and even if Steve hates it when they fight, they’ve always made up in the end. Always. And then things go on with them like they always have anyway because that’s always been how their friendship works—as natural and automatic as breathing. Steve doesn’t imagine that anything will be too big an issue to come between them and tear them apart.

So, Steve just goes for it. He leans in and plants a kiss on Bucky’s lips before he can talk himself out of it. He felt as if his heart was going to burst if he kept holding it in. He even had a split second of thinking that he might actually die from it, and showing Bucky his love was the only thing that could save him.

It only lasted for a few short seconds that felt like a lifetime. Bucky tasted of sweat and smoke and something sweet that Steve couldn’t pinpoint. Maybe that’s just how Bucky tastes like. As soon as it was over, Steve pulls back, and Bucky just stares at him, shocked like Steve had expected.

“Sorry Buck, I just—I couldn’t help myself.” Steve looks down, feeling a little bit shy but not all too shameful. He doesn’t regret taking a chance at kissing Bucky, but the idea of Bucky thinking it’s weird—that it was a mistake—is just starting to dawn on him. He couldn’t face himself now if Bucky ever thought badly of him because of that.

“Thank you for the sketchbook, Buck, really, but you don’t have to keep doing stuff for me, alright?” Steve gets the courage to look up at Bucky again and offer him a hesitant smile.

Bucky looks at his best friend with wide eyes and a brain that has seemed to stop working. Steve, usually so proud despite his small stature, is folding in on himself now after planting a kiss on Bucky.

Steve kissed Bucky. Steve kissed him.

Steve was starting to turn away now and stand up from where he was sitting on the couch, and that’s when Bucky’s brain jolts back to life. He grabs Steve’s arm, and he doesn’t even know what he’s doing. He has no idea where to start.

He has no idea how to tell Steve that he’s loved him for the longest time but tried so hard to hide it away. He has no idea how to process the fact that the only person who he’s thought about truly kissing with desire kissed him first.

So, Bucky doesn’t say anything—he just grabs Steve and plants a kiss right back on his lips.

Steve tenses with surprise, but melts into Bucky as they continue to kiss tenderly. The two boys hold each other and keep kissing, teetering the line between chaste kisses and unfiltered need. Finally, they pull back and look at each other, both in awe at what they’ve just done together. Can’t go around kissing people like that and say that they’re nothing but a friend, right?

Bucky cups Steve’s face, and Steve looks at him like he’s looking at a perfect night sky peppered with gleaming stars that’s so hard to come by in the city.

“I love you, Stevie.” Bucky finally blurts out. He’s had to hold back from saying that for the longest time, but now, he finally sets the truth free. Bucky feels himself breathe a little easier.

Steve’s heart jumps at his best friend’s confession. Bucky looks at him like he’s looking at a picturesque sunset—still a little too bright to be looking at it directly, but Bucky doesn’t mind if it means getting to see something so breathtaking.

Steve smiles at the beautiful boy who loves him back, and his heart is full knowing that Bucky is finally aware of all the love that Steve’s been keeping for him, and that after all this time, Bucky feels the same way about him.

“I love you too, Buck.” Bucky’s smile after Steve says it becomes so wide and bright that it makes Steve want to give his entire heart to him right then and there.

The two boys hug one another, relieved to have finally told each other the truth. They hold each other until the night turns to day, and the days become years.

And until the years become decades and new lifetimes they didn’t think they’d ever live to see.


End file.
